Social Cruelty Part 2

Welcome

I have had several recent conversations with parents and educators about helping children and youth deal with social cruelty. Interestingly, this week also marks the 10 year anniversary of the Columbine tragedy.  There have also been recent stories in the news about youth who have committed suicide due to social cruelty.

I use the term “social cruelty” instead of “bullying” because it is more descriptive. The traditional bully, the physically intimidating youth who uses the threat of violence to control and scare peers, still exists. What is more prevalent, and less talked about, are those children and youth who use their social power to control and intimidate peers.

The social world of children and youth is complex and constantly shifting.

·         As children enter their middle school years they begin a process of putting more energy into fitting into a group than focusing on their own individuality.

·         There is a strong need for recognition, connection, and power in their social circles.

·         Parents put more and more pressure on their children to excel, stand out. Children and youth feel this mostly unspoken expectation to be academically and socially competitive with their peers.

·         Children and youth are also influenced by the intense media messages that reinforce social stereotypes (jocks, geeks, populars, etc).

Popularity among children and youth is heavily influenced by the amount of perceived social currency. How a child or youth’s social circle defines social currency varies (physical attraction, athletic ability, material possessions, toughness, etc). What remains the same is the intensity children and youth feel to demonstrate to their peers that they are flush with social currency. This improves their social status, and makes them feel less vulnerable to social attacks.

Most children and youth move up and down the social ladder depending on the context, or grouping they find themselves in. That is good news if you’re a parent or caretaker. Most kids regularly experience social situations where their needs for recognition, connection, and power. Most kids also regularly experience situations where they feel socially vulnerable, threatened, or attacked.

Unfortunately there are a small percentage of kids who lack social currency and or status. These kids feel socially isolated and are at the highest risk for acting out, depression, etc.