Social Cruelty Part 3

Welcome

It is sometimes hard for adults to bear witness to the emotional rollercoaster experience of the adolescent social world.  Parents and caretakers feel protective of their child’s vulnerability. Adults naturally want to help and support when they see a child’s social struggle and pain. There is a natural empathy and understanding adults have based on our own individual experiences as adolescents.

The hardest thing for adults to accept is that, for the most part, adults have little influence on how the adolescent social drama unfolds.

Whether you are a parent, caretaker, or educator, you can be a great social coach. Here are some suggestions.

• Be a good role model. Make sure you are demonstrating good friendship, kindness, etc. Model anger management, conflict resolution, etc.
• Focus comments, suggestions, encouragement on a child’s social strengths and character. Emphasize being a good friend, being fair, doing the right thing, etc. Encourage them to look for these qualities in others.
• Empathize and listen more than advise and direct.
• Keep your adolescent social experiences separate from theirs.
• Watch movies or read books with younger adolescents that deal with coming of age/adolescent issues. Have some discussion about how the characters handled different situations. How would they handle similar situations.
• Teach the critical social skills of handling rejection and cruelty, conflict resolution, anger management, and assertiveness.
• If physical safety is a concern, make sure your child knows how to effectively avoid physical confrontations and how to defend themselves if necessary. Consider martial arts training if you think your child might enjoy it.
• Recognize the social currency materials (clothes, gadgets, etc) that your child’s social circle values. Don’t compromise your values, but allow them to have some socially appropriate things without breaking your budget.
• Police your child’s social competitiveness, and your own
• Help children and youth to be good bystanders. Let them know how to handle situations where they see a peer being victimized, and how to elicit support from peers if they are being victimized. Research has consistently found that when schools focus on bystander behavior, they significantly reduce the amount of social cruelty/peer violence that occurs.
• Parents and caretakers would benefit from talking with teachers about their child’s social standing and any important observations/feedback.
• Intervene and seek professional help proactively for children who are socially isolated and rejected.